U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
should my penis look like a turkey
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
