The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
