I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
