Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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