My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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