No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
