Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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