I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
