Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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