whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
