just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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