i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
