genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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