his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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