ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
