I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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