You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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