when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
