i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
