I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
