we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
