I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
