So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
