he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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