You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
