don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
