I just saw a hot homeless man
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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