i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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