I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize