She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
