I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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