My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
