The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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