I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
