i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
