I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
