At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize