That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
