It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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