3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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