I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
