I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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