you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
