Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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