I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
