There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
