drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im holly from the hills drunk
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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