It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
