Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
