Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
