Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
