obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
