I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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