Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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