Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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