I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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