My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
