Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
