He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize