My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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