I just pynch a tree in the face
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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