Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
