Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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