I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
