Please, let me fuck your mom
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
