i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
