i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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