youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
