So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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