it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
